E moments of 2009.

Some important moments or things, etc that occurred throughout 2009 were:

- I got married to Melissa on 3/6/09. We eloped. She cried. I love her. She is @OceansGirls. Mine.

- I got my mountain bike. A Specialized Hardrock in yellow. I love this bike so much it is almost like having a car.

- Clearwater opened a bike bridge over the busiest road in FL. Goes from right by my home to across US19. May seem like a minor thing but it opened up a new world for me. Plus it's super cool.

- Twitter. I joined last Winter. I have met so many new people from this social network.... it kinda blows my mind. Plus how incredibly connected I feel to the outside world, celebs, etc ad infinitum. Love the place. I am @eocean.

- I met some of my cousins for basically the first time in Sept. Was amazing. They are amazing.

- My trip to VA in Oct to see Cret.

- So many famous people died this year. For me DJ AM was the saddest. For many, many reasons.

Here's to 2010. That's twenty ten - not two thousand ten. I love you all.

E

I have resolutions this year.

I have resolutions this year. Why not – right? Doesn't matter if everything is achieved or nothing is achieved. This thinking is why I have resolutions this year. It's more a matter of attitude. Here are some of my resolutions:

- I want to run. Run, Forrest, run. I want to run 210 in 2010. It is a Nike+ challenge I am into.

- I do not want to be a "person of right or wrong" with the intensity that built within me in 2009 (really starting in 2008 during the election). I wish to free myself of this. I feel I am falling in this area of my life and I desire to straighten up. This means that I want to be more aware of my reactions before I actually act.

I can do it.

E

As I sit.

Still trying to figure "it" all out. At this time I am pondering the
fact that I feel no excitement for anything, and I generally have a
complete lack of joy. This is not to say I am unhappy as this is not
the case - hence, the conundrum.

Perhaps I am confusing the word joy for something else. Perhaps what
my constant unetlying deelimg is Kanin Davy joy. This spell checker is
so fucking terrible I may hacve to smash my phone up. This is not
joyful. I have become exhausted with trying to go back and correct
these words. Oh look! It is working fine now or I have gotten my shit
togejet on this keypad.

I was saying... Maybe I think I should be stupid happy. Like stupid
happy means joy or something. When joy is in fact (for my purposes)
more of a knowing peace. A knowing serenity and underlying happiness.

As I sit where I am now, my mind is still....and I feel as if I exist
fir someone else. I am not here for me in this moment.

E

Sent from my iPhone

In my head.

When I grow up I want to be a veterinarian. Didn't happen. Didn't even come close to happening. I'm glad too. That would have been a nasty, stinky, gross job. At the end of the day I wish to place my energy around helping humans more than animals. This is not to belittle my views and feeling on animals at all.

When I grow up I want to be a clown. Didn't happen. The smallest of effort went into the pursuit though. I learned to juggle - fairly well I might add. I was juggling 3 balls my first day learning. I researched clown college in Florida. This could've been a neat profession but I can't set foot anywhere near an animal circus and to get a job clowning elsewhere would most likely involve a tremendous amount of physical skills and training. I guess it just wasn't me.

When I grow up I want to be a rock star/professional musician. Didn't happen. I went to the very edge on this one. Learned how to play guitar. Excelled beyond my friends. Moved myself 3000 miles away - twice - to be in the "right" place. Placed my life perfectly in the environment I needed to make this happen. Knocked everyone's socks off everywhere I went. Then I left it all.

Why?

The only explanation I can give on this one - and I have been mulling this over so to speak for 15 years, is that I left it all to get myself to exactly where I am today. Trying to make sense of this is like trying to make sense of life itself. At the end of the day... you just can't. No one can. No knows why we are here. Beliefs and hopes are not knowing.

Funny thing about being here; the only thing we can be certain of 99% of the time, is pain and suffering. So let's all work on getting over this.

And stop spreading it around ourselves. We don't need to be doing this. This Universe can take care of that just fine.

E

Nos

You know what I like about this bottle so much? It looks like something a person should not be consuming. It looks like something you should be pouring into your cars engine.

E

Avatar

A new film from James Cameron. This is what I look forward to most about Avatar; not the new technology, or 3D, or effects. Just the work of Cameron. I shall be there opening night.

E

JM

Just got my John Mayer tickets for Friday, February 5, 2010 at the St Pete Times Forum. Excited. This will be my 4th time seeing him I believe. Maybe 3rd? Funny how I'm not certain. I remember the very first time I saw him perform anything; it was the MTV music awards around 2002 - he played acoustically and I was blown away. Then he went on to win an award and confuse the entire world into thinking he was only 16 years old. He's actually 62 this year.

E

Wishing.

A clear indicator of how out of the present moment I am is when I
start wishing things. I do not like wishing. It is beyond pointless. I
do not wish. And I do not like hearing others wish.

But lately I am wishing. I wish I had more friends. I wish I had in
common people near me. I wish I hadn't dug this hole I am in. I wish I
hadn't dug this hole I am in. I wish I hadn't dug this hole I am in.
I wish I could figure out a normal way to be a person. I wish I had
HD. I wish I didn't have to work where I do. I wish my brothers were
alive. I wish I didn't have to answer to anyone. I wish I didn't quit.
I wish I would continue. I wish I weren't so fucking negative. I wish
I hadn't dug this hole I am in.

And like that.

Sometimes I just have nothing to say at all.

Fuck it.

E
Out.