Thursday, December 31, 2009
- I got married to Melissa on 3/6/09. We eloped. She cried. I love her. She is @OceansGirls. Mine.
- I got my mountain bike. A Specialized Hardrock in yellow. I love this bike so much it is almost like having a car.
- Clearwater opened a bike bridge over the busiest road in FL. Goes from right by my home to across US19. May seem like a minor thing but it opened up a new world for me. Plus it's super cool.
- Twitter. I joined last Winter. I have met so many new people from this social network.... it kinda blows my mind. Plus how incredibly connected I feel to the outside world, celebs, etc ad infinitum. Love the place. I am @eocean.
- I met some of my cousins for basically the first time in Sept. Was amazing. They are amazing.
- My trip to VA in Oct to see Cret.
- So many famous people died this year. For me DJ AM was the saddest. For many, many reasons.
Here's to 2010. That's twenty ten - not two thousand ten. I love you all.
Wednesday, December 30, 2009
Tuesday, December 29, 2009
fact that I feel no excitement for anything, and I generally have a
complete lack of joy. This is not to say I am unhappy as this is not
the case - hence, the conundrum.
Perhaps I am confusing the word joy for something else. Perhaps what
my constant unetlying deelimg is Kanin Davy joy. This spell checker is
so fucking terrible I may hacve to smash my phone up. This is not
joyful. I have become exhausted with trying to go back and correct
these words. Oh look! It is working fine now or I have gotten my shit
togejet on this keypad.
I was saying... Maybe I think I should be stupid happy. Like stupid
happy means joy or something. When joy is in fact (for my purposes)
more of a knowing peace. A knowing serenity and underlying happiness.
As I sit where I am now, my mind is still....and I feel as if I exist
fir someone else. I am not here for me in this moment.
Sent from my iPhone
Wednesday, December 23, 2009
When I grow up I want to be a clown. Didn't happen. The smallest of effort went into the pursuit though. I learned to juggle - fairly well I might add. I was juggling 3 balls my first day learning. I researched clown college in Florida. This could've been a neat profession but I can't set foot anywhere near an animal circus and to get a job clowning elsewhere would most likely involve a tremendous amount of physical skills and training. I guess it just wasn't me.
When I grow up I want to be a rock star/professional musician. Didn't happen. I went to the very edge on this one. Learned how to play guitar. Excelled beyond my friends. Moved myself 3000 miles away - twice - to be in the "right" place. Placed my life perfectly in the environment I needed to make this happen. Knocked everyone's socks off everywhere I went. Then I left it all.
The only explanation I can give on this one - and I have been mulling this over so to speak for 15 years, is that I left it all to get myself to exactly where I am today. Trying to make sense of this is like trying to make sense of life itself. At the end of the day... you just can't. No one can. No knows why we are here. Beliefs and hopes are not knowing.
Funny thing about being here; the only thing we can be certain of 99% of the time, is pain and suffering. So let's all work on getting over this.
And stop spreading it around ourselves. We don't need to be doing this. This Universe can take care of that just fine.
Tuesday, December 15, 2009
Sunday, December 13, 2009
Monday, December 7, 2009
Tuesday, December 1, 2009
start wishing things. I do not like wishing. It is beyond pointless. I
do not wish. And I do not like hearing others wish.
But lately I am wishing. I wish I had more friends. I wish I had in
common people near me. I wish I hadn't dug this hole I am in. I wish I
hadn't dug this hole I am in. I wish I hadn't dug this hole I am in.
I wish I could figure out a normal way to be a person. I wish I had
HD. I wish I didn't have to work where I do. I wish my brothers were
alive. I wish I didn't have to answer to anyone. I wish I didn't quit.
I wish I would continue. I wish I weren't so fucking negative. I wish
I hadn't dug this hole I am in.
And like that.
Sometimes I just have nothing to say at all.